Comfort 2 Growth

The past, the present, and the future. Two of these exist only in your mind.

Don’t walk (click) away just yet… Indulge in this way of thinking for a second.

The only thing that ever truly matters is what is happening in the moment.

The past is a collection of passed moments and the future is a series of moments that you anticipate to happen. Neither have ultimate control over you.

Many people allow these nonexistent past moments and hypothetical future moments to dictate how they live their life. This is the basis for each of our Egos.

The truth is, you do not have to live this way. This principle is found in many spiritualities around the world. You can read about it in Eckart Tolle’s books.

The way you choose to interpret your past and anticipate your future directly impacts your reality.

Who Are You?

The words we use, the actions we take, the experiences we’ve had, the people and places we associate ourselves with define, in a traditional sense, who we are and how we see ourselves. They define our reality.

Fortunately, we can actively change our environment, actions and the people we hang around. Effectively changing our reality.

It has been found you can dramatically shift your emotions and ways of thinking by simply changing the words you use and how you frame experiences in your life. Check out this for an interesting experiment.

If you could choose to see yourself in any light, what would it be?

The Now Identity

Extending on the idea that what we do defines who we are, the idea of the Now Identity comes in to play.

Simply, you are what you are currently doing. This works both ways, positively and negatively. If you are smoking, you are a smoker. If you are running, you are a runner. If you are working hard, you are a hard worker.

The idea of you becomes shaped, over time, by how you chose to participate in the series of moments within your life. Life is fluid and dynamic. It changes.  Each moment in life is an opportunity for you to steer yourself in a certain direction.

Defining Reality and Communication

In human dialogue there is a complex, often unseen, series of events that go on as we communicate. As we receive information, our brains begin to tell stories about this information in order to interpret it. This happens on a conscious and subconscious level.

The problem is that the information we use to tell these stories and make interpretations is often limited or wrong. This forces us to make assumptions that can prove disastrous.

A pop culture example… On a recent but past episode of HBO’s Entourage, Eric see’s his past/current love interest, Sloan, lively talking to a well-dressed, handsome man. Immediately, Eric sees this man as competition and rudely interrupts the conversation. It turns out that the man was Sloan’s  cousin and Eric looks like a jackass.

In this example, Eric acted out of line because his ego told him the wrong story based on limited information. In that moment he had turned his reality in to a jealous one, and it was destructive.

We can choose the stories we want to tell ourselves. These stories directly influence how we perceive events. Perception is how we define our reality.

Practical Application

There are a couple of ways to apply this to your life.

First, applying it to yourself… Our emotional state  depends on the stories we tell our selves about the information we have received.

Information is often limited or flat out wrong. Knowing this we should attempt to limit our immediate conclusions until we are absolutely certain we want to adopt a specific interpretation.

Furthermore, we often have a choice in how something is viewed… Is my shirt old, or does it have character? Is my house small, or is it cozy? Is the bar empty, or is it relaxing and low key?

How do you think positive story telling would affect your self esteem and over all well being? The effect is surprising. Try it for a day.

Second, applying this way of interpretation when we interact with others… Since everyone else tells themselves stories to interpret events, and the information used can be distorted, we can adjust our strategy to communicate with them.

We should try to clarify our meaning and intentions by contrasting our statements. Using “I do not mean” to separate possible misinterpretations from your true message. Then, follow with “I do want” or “I do mean” to pinpoint which exact message you wish to send across.

This technique, and many more, are discussed in the book Crucial Conversations.

Using this way of thinking to interpret the moments that surround your life, and applying these communication techniques to your daily interactions, you can truly define your reality.

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If you have some ideas or methods that you use to make life easier, to define your reality in a positive way or other little habits that make you more effective, please share them in the comments section!